JoeBusiness ::: A Right Royal Fuss About Nothing, Tulisa’s Album And TOWIE Tank

William and Kate

This week the nation has been celebrating. YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!! Because (DRUMROLL PLEASE!)… Prince William and Kate Middleton are having a baby. Oh… Why? I don’t mean why are they having a baby, that’s their business. And herein lies my point. It has always been utterly beyond me why anybody cares what the Royal Family does. I don’t mean this in the sense that I wish them ill, just that I don’t really care what they do. I wish the happy couple well, as I do any couple who find they’re expecting, it must be wonderful. I also wish Kate a speedy recovery as she is apparently poorly in hospital at the moment. However, my point is why do people bestow extra importance on an event where none is warranted? Every new baby is as important as any other, as are the parents expecting them. No hereditary system of arbitrary privilege can change that. At the end of the day we’re all just chimps with pants on. Last week I wrote about the lack of personality in music and I understand why people are interested in the lives of musicians, actors and ‘celebrities’. I personally am not interested in the birth of Beyonce and Jay-Z’s daughter (Blue Ivy), although again I wish them well, but I am more interested in what Jay-Z thinks about ‘this’ or says about ‘that’. This is because he is responsible for a body of work that I admire, that has a wider impact on popular culture and hence I can contextualise him. The same with actors or anyone else creative, whether you like them or not you know what they do and therefore they have a context and a significance. The Royal Family just are. They stand on things and wave, cut ribbons and live in big houses. I understand the fascination with Royals of the past, when they were genuine political players but the lesson of history and how often the ruling families have changed (bloodily or otherwise) in any given society show you that there is no divinity in it, or anything that makes the Windsors better than anyone else. They just happen to be the lucky lot who were there at the end when people decided to stop killing each other for the right to sit in the fancy chair and wear the shiny hat. Listen, their charity work is great but it’s not something that a person who actually has a purpose couldn’t do and the fact that they are worth so much to the economy through tourism is fantastic too and I am not passing judgement on the Royals or those who like them… I just don’t get it and the idea that the current adoration of them might make other people forget that they are no more or less important than them concerns me. Innnn other less preachy news, grouchy JoeBusiness regular Tulisa is back in headlines as her debut solo album The Female Boss has shifted just 7,000 copies in it’s first two days since release (Taylor Swift’s RED did over 1.2 million units in it’s first week in the US alone) and is looking like finishing outside the Top 20 at the end of it’s first week. This is despite Tulisa not only being on the X Factor as a judge but performing on last Sunday’s results show, normally a platform that carries even the crappest album to chart success and often to a Number 1 slot. I have a theory why Tulisa’s album may have flopped… maybe, just maybe, people don’t like Tulisa! I don’t mind her either way to be honest. Yeah she’s too quick to bite when people take a pop at her and is a bit confrontational (we get it, you’ve got balls… metaphorically… I hope) but she says what she thinks (even if a lot of it is ill-thought out nonsense) and at least she’s not scared to be herself. However, maybe the simpering fluffiness-fest that is primetime pre-watershed weekend TV isn’t ready for that, which is a shame. But I tell you what, if things carry on like this it looks like ‘The Female Boss’ might have to start making some redundancies… Sweaty Geoff from HR can go first surely? He picks his nose at his desk and keeps trying to take sneaky camera phone pictures down Audrey’s blouse the yob! And finally, a poll on The Sun’s website has found that 93% of those who watched the live episode of The Only Way is Essex thought it was the worst TV show EVER! I’ve interviewed a lot of the cast members of TOWIE and by and large I liked them but I confess I’m not surprised. Well when you put a group of people who manage to make highly choreographed fatuous babbling look tough, in a situation where skill, timing and awareness are necessary then of course they’re going to balls it up… or not… as who knows what the producers wanted to get out of this exercise. Maybe [shock, horror!] some publicity?

Published on IAmMusic.TV, 5th Dec 2012

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