JoeBusiness ::: Guilty Pleasures, Pervy Puppets And As Always, Tulisa

Taylor Swift

Welcome back to another week of JoeBusiness. I feel like in the opening few weeks all I’ve been doing is moaning about celebrities (let’s face it, it’s more fun) so just to prove I can, this week I am going to talk about things I like.

Now there are two songs that I have been playing relentlessly and I’m proud to admit, belting out at the top of my lungs when they’re on the radio. However, these two songs may not win me many friends among the hardcore of music journalists, tirelessly unearthing and helping to promote brand new genuine talent, but here they are anyway… One Direction’s and Taylor Swift’s new singles are GOOD! There, I’ve said it, I feel so liberated. This must be what ‘coming out’ feels like except obviously much more emotionally draining and important for a person’s development. One Direction’s ‘Little Things’ is a total departure from the bouncy pop of their previous offerings and is a slow, acoustic guitar-accompanied love song extolling the virtues of a mystery woman by highlighting her small insecurities and idiosyncrasies and in fact stating that it is these things that make her lovable. This all makes a lot more sense when you find out the song was written by the brilliant Ed Sheeran and despite the cheesy video and the incredibly annoying looking at each other while they perform it (has anyone else noticed that!?) it gives One Direction a level of credibility with an older and more discerning audience.

Taylor Swift’s latest offering is the incredibly catchy pop-rock track ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’. The music sensation’s new album Red shifted more than 1.2 million units in it’s opening week, making it the fastest selling album of the year. Hence, it’s less of a revelation for the undoubtedly talented Swift to make a good song but the fact that both these tracks are my guilty pleasures this week allows me to segue very neatly into the big showbiz story of the week and that is that 1D’s Harry and guitar-toting musical leviathan Taylor are dating!

‘WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!’ I hear you cry. No? Maybe on the inside. Of course their personal lives are just that, personal but given what tabloid fodder this romance is bound to be I thought it was worth mentioning. The pair already had a fledgling romance earlier this year which ended when Harry was seen, to the shock of possibly a few isolated Amazonian tribes people, snogging another girl. However, apparently Swifty is ready to give him another chance and the pair were seen getting close on both the set of the UK and US X Factor. Taylor has had relationships with some very famous hunks indeed, including Jake Gylenhall and Taylor Lautner, while Harry’s approach to fame is much more about quantity not quality… And frankly, I can’t blame him. And so we come to what I don’t get about the whole thing. Taylor is a beautiful, talented and (from what I’ve seen in interviews) charming young lady who’s entire being seems focused on the pursuit of romantic happiness while Harry is an 18 year old lad in the biggest boy band in the world. Hence, why is she not off pursuing a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with some chiselled intellectual and why is he not continuing his well-publicised mission to build a life-sized replica of the Taj Mahal out of knickers??? But aaah, the heart wants what it wants and I genuinely wish them the best of luck but with Talyor apparently buying a house round the corner from the mop-haired emperor of booty in North London (presumably more Hampstead than Seven Sisters Road), something she did with ex’s Conor Kennedy, Jake Gylenhall and John Mayer so for better or worse, expect to be reading plenty more about these two in the coming weeks.

On to queen of the headlines Tulisa and the famous bait-taker… I said ‘bait’ not ‘bite’, oh don’t be disgusting, has had a ruddy good pop at some ‘haters’ on Twitter. This comes after Krystal Benjamin (great name) tried to warn the X Factor judge off footballer boyfriend Danny Simpson, saying he had cheated on her and would cheat on the N-Dubz star too. This prompted a barrage of abusive and often confused Tweets from Tulisa, my favourite being:

‘To b this much in the public eye & scrutinised & still be myself..COMPLETELY!If u think u know me from what u read, u know nothin at all..’

You’re right, I don’t know much Tulisa but I do know you don’t put much stock in grammar [insert mental image of me doing a snide smirk to myself]. I just think it’s about time that Tulisa, when confronted with what are undeniably irritating tabloid stories, just takes a moment to consider that she is talented, beautiful, rich and successful and the time may have come in her life to simply rise above it all… Either that or give the lippy tart a Camden headbutt from us T!

And finally, the bloke who voices Elmo on Sesame Street has been accused of being a sex criminal… Just felt the need to share that.

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