Happy New Year!!! So Christmas has been and gone and everyone’s a little bit fatter and a little bit poorer. I for one am relieved by the end of party season, it’s a great time of year but it’s nice to be able to think ‘Ooh, I don’t have to drink alcohol for a few days now!’… Well you don’t have to anyway but come on, this country functions on inappropriate boozing.
The end of party season is of course signalled by New Year’s Eve. A lot of people slag off New Year’s saying every venue is much more expensive to get into. True. Everywhere is more busy than usual. True again. And finally that the expectation never matches the reality. Hmmmm, maybe but I have a solution to all these quibbles. STAY IN! Your only two options on this night are to go out, as most people will do, or to stay in. If you find the prospect of the latter too boring then don’t moan about the former! The problem with New Year’s Eve is not that the expectation doesn’t match up to the reality but rather that people’s expectations are too high. Treat it as just a night out, where the prerequisites are being with your mates, listening to music you like (or can at least dance to) and, in my case, the presence of members of the opposite sex with whom you can share adroit witticisms or at the very least venereal diseases. Joking!… I never share my venereal diseases, they’re too precious to me. However, for some reason people believe every NYE is going to be like The Hangover and then proceed to moan when it’s not. I started to have some cracking nights on 31st December when I began treating it like any other night out and on that note, thanks to Kanaloa in St. Paul’s where I spent this NYE and one a couple of years back for tolerating my slick moves on the dancefloor and giving me a free Hawaiian garland on entry… What more could you want?
Between Christmas and New Year I was lucky enough to go to New York. It’s the second time I’ve been and if you ever get the chance to go then I can’t recommend it enough, it’s amazing. Everything from the dizzying lights of Times Square to the fist-sized meatballs of Little Italy is an experience for anyone, let alone those who’ve grown up on American movie culture, for whom the entire experience is like being on a film set.
However, what I want to talk about is a novel idea they’ve hit on over there which is models… who are also DJs! Ummm do you like music? Yes. Well do you also like fit women? Of course! Well here’s an idea for ya! A company called STADJ provides this service (no they’re not paying me to write this, the experience just had a rather, ahem, ‘stirring’ effect on me) and I am only aware of it as when I returned to my hotel on the final night of the trip, weary and a little frightened by the attentions of a shop assistant named Shalom at Bloomingdales who, whenever I even glanced at an item, proclaimed ‘That looks sooo cute on you!’ Why thank you Shalom and while cuteness is of paramount importance to me a) If everything looks ‘cute’ then how on earth do I choose and b) Can you stop f**ing following me, it’s been 45 minutes and I’m starting to sweat and not in the good way! But anyway, I got back to the hotel lobby planning to sit down and have a little rest but as I walked in I saw one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen behind a set of CD decks and was mesmerised. I proceeded to bore the rest of my party over the next couple of hours by reiterating how lovely this young lady was and how great it was that she’s a DJ. After picking up a flyer I discovered this company has a whole roster of female models/DJs that play all over New York and it begged the question ‘Why has no one else thought of this?’ It appeals to the base nature of men who will do almost anything to see a pretty girl (I’d also like to point out she was a talented DJ too, DJ Sierra I believe she’s called) and I believe the same premise would work with women too, although probably to a lesser extent as women are, by nature, more complicated and thoughtful creatures than grunting cavemen such as myself. You could call it ‘Hunks play Funk’, ‘Funky Hunks’ or ‘Let this Hunk cover you in…’ well you get the idea.
Published on IAmMusic.TV, 5th Jan 2013